Futility Redux

Almost a year from Futility.

Today, it still feels like Futility.

No clarity. No direction. No possibilities. No connections. No drive. No passion. No hope. No faith.

It's hard struggling with these feelings. Hard seeing it not only be in your own life, but in that of others close to you. It's no secret that my family is struggling a little, looking at different possibilities for the future. But those are just as unknown as anything else. Something's gotta give, you would think.

It feels like a holding pattern, and one that never seems to relent.
The jokes that my family makes about "sure wish God would let us in on a little bit of what He wants or has planned"... the fact that I know that those jokes are the kind that make you "laugh to keep from crying."

Being mad at God is stupid. Already went there before. Really just stupid.
But impatient. Confused. Crushed.

Still going on promises... holding as tight as possible to promises... cause they're all that's left sometimes.

I sound so faithless right now... I know...

All I can do is hope. Hope that, like it says, 'Though we are faithless, He is faithful."

*sigh*....